When you’re new into a relationship sex feels easy, exciting, fun, and most importantly, natural. So it can be disheartening when the drive and pleasure flip, and you find yourself having to work harder to achieve a successful outcome for the both of you.
More often than not, this can lead to your marriage becoming barren and the most action you get is pushing the other out of bed for snoring. But can a sexless marriage be fixed?
Read on to discover more…
Why did you stop?
First, you need to identify why you stopped having sex. Is it a lack of allure, disinterest, or technical difficulties?
One of the most common occurrences that inhibits a woman’s sexual drive is the menopause. As we age, the vagina can shorten and narrow. The vaginal walls become thinner and stiffer, and you will experience less vaginal lubrication – making intercourse difficult and sometimes, painful.
For men, erectile dysfunction becomes increasingly common. The condition affects more than 1 in 10 men in the UK alone. Yet you’ll find a few more ‘quick-fixes’ on the market to improve erectile dysfunction, than you will for the menopause!
But, boosting your sexual life expectancy is possible. Here are a few of Kegel8’s top tips:
- Pelvic floor exercise can help to increase sensation and improve natural lubrication
- Redefine your intimacy goals, find a middle-ground that’s more achievable
- Keep up with your communication, know what you want
- Visit your GP to help find a solution to health-related conditions that put a pause on your intimacy
There’s no pressure to get it right
You don’t need to feel pressured into revitalising your sex life instantly. These things take time, and through mutual agreement, you should be able to decide how long sex may be off the table for.
Be honest when communicating
It’s essential to be open about your feelings towards your intimacy. Does the relationship feel one-sided? Have you stopped making an effort? The first step to understanding one another’s wants and needs is to begin an open and understanding conversation. Know when to speak up and know when to sit back and listen.
Sex doesn’t have to be just intercourse
Repeatedly trying (and failing) to have pleasurable sex isn’t going to get you anywhere. Instead, start with the smaller steps – a gentle touch here and there, a gracious thank you in return. Reintroduce intimacy slowly and regularly discuss how you both feel along the way. But, most importantly, don’t push your partner out of their comfort zone.
Is sexless life satisfying for you?
The importance of sex within a relationship often decreases with age. Some people are even happy having a no-sex marriage. However, intimacy is often key despite a poor sexual drive. So if your current level of intimacy is not enough, make sure you say so.
Find a solution
If you’re struggling to work it out together, try seeking professional help. Therapy may help you both to understand what they underlying problem is and where it has come from.
Remember, you’re not alone
This isn’t just happening to you. Less than 50% of UK adults say they are satisfied with their sex life and 51% have revealed that they have not had sex in the past month.